2016 Season Blog.


1st Quarter.


Greetings Pats Fans,

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Godzilla: Part I.


The Pats could not have started out any better against Miami. The Defense was destroying the Miami offence like they were Godzilla and the Miami Offense was Tokyo. They were just stomping on them. They were taking the ball away. It literally looked like Godzilla vs. thousands of screaming Japanese actors and actresses. That's how defenseless Miami looked.

Everything Miami did was a disaster. It seemed every decision they made only made the destruction that the Pats wrecking on them worse. Like when you build a fantasy wall that is paid for by Mexico. So that Godzilla finally can't pass the border, and it stops him. But then, he unleashes his radioactive fire and burns all the pathetic fantasies of all the suckers (who need to be lied too) to dust. It left Miami scrambling all over the sidelines, like a bunch of nattering dolphins who were speaking anything but English. The 1st half was so beautiful in so many ways.

Miami deferred to start the game, so that the Pats had to start the game differently. The main reason the Pats defer is continuity. They know all the other teams will elect to receive. But unlike all the other teams in the NFL, the Pats know that Godzilla is coming. So they want to play defense first, every game. Which of course blew up in Miami's face like atomic monster fire.

Solder started. Garoppolo got the ball on the first play. He dropped, and hit Edelman for a 1st. He looked so calm and confident in the pocket. Then Blount ran for a 1st. On Garoppolo's third throw it was 3rd and 9. They went into a 4-Wide bunched up shotgun, and motioned White into a Weak shotgun. He hit Edelman, on almost an identical Out that he caught on his first 1st down against the Cards. Garoppolo zipped the ball as calm as can be from the pocket, over midfield to his left. Edelman caught it, twisted up field before he went out of bounds, and dived for the 1st with both arms choking the ball.

Then they got fancy. They ran that misdirection play action, which had Bennett heading to the right with the entire O-line going left. Jimmy-G faked to White going left, and zipped it to Bennett going right in the flat. He turned up field behind the blocks of Edelman and Hogan. Then he put on some speed that was more than a little surprising. He slashed past the 30 as two puny Dolphins tried to grab him. He finally crashed to the ground in a thunderous earthquake, like some giant atomic monster with a gargantuan tail, at the 14.

They ran Blount in the Redzone first. Then they went Empty, as though they were taunting the puny Dolphinese. Jimmy-G had time. Then he had to step up into the pocket. He saw Edelman crossing in front of him. He shot a hook-shot pass, as Chris Jones was hitting him, to Edelman. He caught it at the Five, and then fought forward into the Endzone.

So the Dolphin's decision to give the ball to the Pats first, blew up in their face like a giant mushroom cloud that turned a long dead dinosaur into a giant atomic monster. Pats-7. The Dolphinese-Zip.

The Dolphins came out and ran for a cloud of dust. Then Tannehill tried to throw, but Chris Long smashed into him like Godzilla knocking over a building. 3rd and 7, the Pats got great pressure on Tannehill again. Tannehill threw to the TE, but Harmon jumped in front of him and almost intercepted the ball. The TE ended up dropping it to force the punt. The Pats defense was playing as well as the Pats offense.

The Pats offense came out again. Garoppolo ran the monstrous misdirection play action and waggled outside with Bennett dragging in front of him. It was the same play. But two Dolphinese LBs dropped into coverage in front of Bennett. So Garoppolo blasted a rocket at Hogan, like he was King Ghidorah. He flew up field, and Edelman got position for a crack-back block on Abdul-Quddus. He knocked him to the ground like Godzilla picking up King Ghidorah and tossing his three heads into a mountain. Hogan flew behind the block to the 45.

A WR screen, which we are going to be seeing too many of on Thursday night, to Edelman brought the ball over midfield again. Then they ran Blount behind Shaq and Cannon for the 1st.

Garoppolo flew back into a 4-Wide Weak shotgun. Both DEs flew up field fast. So he shuffled up into the pocket beautifully. Seriously, he was moving better than Brady in the pocket in this game. I thought that would be as impossible as a radioactive dinosaur crying out on a hot and humid Japanese night. He threw another rocket, this one a little high, to Hogan. He caught it, and was undercut. He crashed into a heap on the turf, in a thump of black atomic dust just short of the Redzone.

The Pats, feeling overconfident, lined up in a Strong formation, which is a running formation. But when Godzilla gets going, he can't be stopped. They pounded their Blount force weapon inside the Redzone behind Andrews and Thuney. Then they rushed up to the line, like a bunch of Japanese dudes desperately building a tiny plastic model fence to stop an unstoppable man in a giant rubber monster suit. Garoppolo had Bennett flashing past the ILB down the seam, but he threw underneath to a well-covered White. The ball is de-fenced, for the first mistake of the game by the Pats.

But Jimmy-G is undaunted, and I'm guessing that coach McDaniels saw Bennett gliding down the seam like Mothera. Bennett angled outside, and then turned down field just outside the Seam. Garoppolo kept his head to the left, in order to keep the Safety on the wrong side of the field. Then he turned and hit Bennett wide open in the Endzone for his second TD throw. Pats-14. The Dolphinese-Zip.

The Dolphinese went three and out again, as the Pats defense dominated them completely. The Pats next drive started off with a throw to Edelman again, and some Blount force trauma for the 1st. The offense is not as complicated as it is with Brady, but Jimmy-G has complete control of the offense. And just as I wrote that, he missed an uncovered Slater 50-yards down field. So Jimmy-G just fired a rocket at Amendola for a long 1st down. Then they Blount force trauma the ball over midfield.

The Pats get in a little trouble. They had to line up in a 4-Wide Weak shotgun on 3rd and 7. Jimmy-G fired a remarkable rocket at Edelman, who went over the middle. He spun his way through an LB, and karate kicked his helmet off. Then was tackled by Abdul-Quddus.

1st and 10 at the 29, Garoppolo goes under center and ran a play action to Blount. He dropped looking right, and the Dolphins brought five. Kiko delayed blitzed behind Garoppolo for the 6th rusher. Kiko beat Blount's blitz pick up block. He attacked Garoppolo from the side like Mechagodzilla. But the movie went into slow motion, as Jimmy-G danced out of the sack with a great Godzilla spin move, and appeared to knock Mechagodzilla down with his slashing tail.

Then he made his second mistake of the game. That is the perfect spot to throw the ball away. While his Godzilla spin move was beautiful, it also spun him 18-yards behind the LOS. So while he hit Bennett with a pass, he was still knocked out of bounds 5-yards behind the LOS. But Cannon was called for Holding, which is always a drive killing call, so it didn't matter.

1st and 20, the Pats lined up in a 3-Wide Weak shotgun with Trips on the left this time instead of the right. Foster shot out of the backfield like his pants were on atomic fire for seven to end the 1st quarter. The Pats looked like they were in trouble. They spread it out wide in a 4-Wide Weak shotgun. They ran a Draw to White. He blasted off straight up field like an array of anti-Godzilla rockets. He was eight yards downfield before he had to cut. He cut behind a Hogan block and stumbled over the atomic yellow line for the First.

Then they stuck to the script and ran Blount up the gut, but the Dolphinese have seen this movie on the first two drives, and swarmed over him like flies on a gigantic steaming hill of Godzilla poo. But the Patriots offence was truly undaunted. They made a great play after every bad play and mistake they made so far. They motioned into a tight 4-Wide Weak shotgun. Jimmy-G hit Edelman heading outside again.

3rd and 4, the Pats lined up in a 4-Wide Weak shotgun. The Pats had been the best team in the NFL on 3rd downs right up to this point. What had made Jimmy-G a top five QB, right up to this point, is that he has been a gigantic unstoppable monster on 3rd downs. And this pass was as beautiful as a pristine forest with Bambi in it gently eating flowers.

The Pats motioned White outside to go Empty. The Dolphinese sent six again. The Pats only had five blockers in so they couldn't block everyone. The OLB Misi blitzed outside of Solder, and went unblocked. He charged Jimmy-G. But he saw him, and faded back to his right. He saw Amendola take the inside release off the CB jam, and then broke free down the seam. Jimmy-G leaped up off one foot, and threw it back to Amendola right in the middle of the Endzone. Pats-21. Dolphinese-Zip.

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